I hate it when Autumn is having a bad day,
today was a phone family session with her, harry & me, and her therapist. During the session Autumn felt like she didn't have the answers to some of the questions we talked about. She became so stressed that she had a panic attack?? & couldn't breath, the nurse was called and our session ended. I just talked to her and she said it happened again for no reason during supper. This time she felt sick, felt like her throat was closing, started shaking and had to have the nurse come again. She is better right now but I am worried. Autumn has never had anxiety problems so I have no ideal what is behind these. I want to being her home! I feel so helpless not begin able to go and get her. I pray she will feel ok tonight & be able to rest well. I am asking for prayer that she will be able to be released soon. She needs her family and to know how much she is loved. I am holding to the truth of Gods words knowing that he will be with her and help her to cope with her emotions & fears. I KNOW THAT HE WILL NOT FORSAKE HER FOR SHE IS HIS CHILD AND HE HAS PROMISED THIS.

Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

This week the topic for the making your home a haven challenge is setting a wake up time. I have been trying to continue the morning routine from the first post here //http://lhazclewis-life.blogspot.com/2009/03/tammy-httpwww.html but early to rise is an area of struggle for me. I am going to continue to set my goal of getting out of bed between 6 - 6:30. Reminding myself that by doing that the day will go so much smoother & it allows me to have a quite moment to study my bible at the start of the day.

Our daughter has 'heart disease'..

Taking back what the enemy has stolen..


Lord, help me to not dwell on all the negative I see. Give me your strength to cross over from feeling helpless to believing you are able and willing to intervene in Autumn's life. Forgive me for the wrong things I've said or done that only added to the problem. Show me how I can extend love and forgiveness to Autumn and pray more effectively. Thank you, Lord for your comfort. Amen.

This is my prayer, it is from a book titled Praying Prodigals Home.
I have long prayed for Autumn, this is nothing new. But I am stepping up my efforts, The enemy has a strong hold on her, issues came up over the Easter weekend visit. She has all the reason to believe that she might discharge soon (as soon as next month) she has been doing so well in the program she's in, then over the weekend she messes up, her drug screen was positive when she returned. ( for oral morphine!!) She also lied about the why and how she got it ect... even told them that I gave it to her....! We don't even have that medication in our house, we never have. The truth is still not clear, I just can't figure out where she got it, she did have a couple of visitors but her entire visit was supervised.
I am just so disappointed. I had really been getting my hopes up as of late. I don't understand why she chooses the wrong path. I used to think it was her slight neurological delays/ her chemical imbalances that were to blame, I don't believe that anymore. Even a severely delayed person can choose right or wrong. The stark truth is that my precious, beautiful daughter just chooses to do wrong, she turns her back on what is right in favor of what is "right now" this is a disease of the heart, not the mind. Only God can cure this, I pray he will bend her heart to his voice.

We finally watched the movie Fireproof last night. I loved it, I love all three of the movies they have made. What a wonderful work God has done through those movies, for years to come lives will be touched by those films. Anyone who hasn't seen them, run to the nearest rental store and get Flywheel, Facing the giants, & Fireproof. I must say that my favorite is the first one Flywheel, the film quality is not quite as good as the others but the message is so strong.

Autumn is home for the weekend she is doing very well. I let the boys stay home from school today to spend time with their sister. I am looking foreword to Easter, having the family get together. Today we must get some housework done, Tomorrow we plan on dying eggs.

We have a new batch of kittens this week (5) tiny gray & white, the boys are just loving it. Even I have to admit that there's not much cuter then little kittens. The recent cold weather may have killed some of my garden :( I'm not sure what will bounce back & what is gone, I plan to get new seeds started this week to replace any plants that are lost. Caden has a book that he loves called the Oak inside the acorn, while I was digging some dirt for my lettuce plants we found an acorn that had rooted, I showed it to Caden & transplanted it to a container, explaining that some day when he was grown up, it would be a big oak tree, he can plant it & have his very own tree. It has really grown the past few weeks. What a great opportunity to show how just like God has a plan for the tiny acorn to become a big strong oak, he has a plan for each of us to become

the person God designed us to be. Happy Easter

I really enjoyed spring break, having the boys home from school made me really miss homeschooling. We are unsure what we will be doing next year. Dd is talking of wanting to homeschool again & her therapist thinks it may be a good ideal. Caden begs to "do homeschool again" every day & spent a good part of spring break working in his old workbooks. Zach is thinking about homeschooling again but not sure. I am thinking we may give it a trial over the summer and see how it goes, if I can manage with my college classes ect..

Sadly, I planted my squash over the break & it appears that the cold weather got to them, they are all limp and seem dead. My peas are doing great though, the green beans are holding their own, but the radish also seems gone :( I plan to start a new batch this week maybe planting in the warmer weather will be the key. I also put out strawberry plants, I don't expect them to produce fruit this year, it is really just bulbs that I planted but we will see.

Also over spring break Caden got a new friend... Yes, someone dumped a mutt puppy on our doorstep. Of course he " just loves caden so much, and minds him so good, and caden promised to take good care of him and love him...." so he's our new family member. His name is Marty.